Free Time Myths: What Moms Really Do

Let me set the scene: It’s 10 p.m. The dishes are finally done, the kitchen is somewhat restored to an acceptable state of post-dinner normalcy, and the day’s obligations have finally loosened their grip. I exhale, probably resembling an old cartoon character on the verge of passing out. And at this precise moment, my husband, bless his soul, asks, “So, what do you actually do with your free time?”

To which I want to respond, “Honestly? Spend it justifying what I choose to do with it.” Because somehow, after cooking, cleaning, working, chauffeuring, and managing life logistics, my “free time” is suspiciously in need of supervision.

The Daily Marathon in Fast Forward

Let’s take a quick look at what it takes to reach this golden “me-time” oasis. My day starts at 7 a.m., that sweet hour when the “little princess” (a.k.a., my daughter) needs a nudge toward the day. By 8:10 a.m., I’m driving her to school, back home in time for the daily grind until 4:30 or 5:00 p.m., depending on after-school activities.

Then the homework. Have you seen a fourth grader’s math homework lately? It’s like “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” but with a 50/50 shot of emotional devastation. Once the math wars are fought, I dive into dinner prep for our young one, and by around 7:30, I’m finally cooking for us grownups.

But let me tell you, cooking is my sacred “me” time. This is when I seize my multitasking glory: I play a round of Canasta on the iPad, dive into a podcast, or queue up some deliciously mindless TV that requires zero brain cells. It’s an art, really – seasoning a stir-fry with one hand while clicking “draw card” with the other. How’s that for multitasking, Apple?

But I digress. At around 8 p.m., we switch gears to get our princess to bed. We take turns, so at least on alternating nights, I get to claim the post-bedtime slot as MINE.

Enter: The “Hobbies” Debate

Now, if you think that’s where my day gracefully fades to black, you’d be wrong. Apparently, I’m meant to spend my “me time” engaging in hobbies, and not just any hobbies – acceptable hobbies. The funny thing is, I actually do have hobbies. But convincing my husband that these are, in fact, legitimate pastimes is an ongoing exercise in diplomacy.

Hobby #1: Gaming – A Quest in Itself

Gaming is my guilty pleasure. There’s something about the freedom to escape into an alternate universe and conquer pixelated quests that restores my sanity. But to my husband, this is a “brainless” activity. He’s not impressed by the endless appeal of fantasy worlds filled with dragons, elaborate quests, and virtual pals. I mean, yes, it might seem like a “waste of time” – if you’re missing the point! To him, the very concept of socializing with unknown gamers online is borderline scandalous.

Hobby #2: Knitting – The “Not Really Watching TV” Dilemma

For a more “brainworthy” pursuit, I tried knitting. It’s a hobby that produces tangible results: scarves, hats, blankets – wearable proof of time well-spent, right? But here’s the kicker. Apparently, if I knit while watching TV, I’m not “really” watching the show. Imagine! I mean, the nerve of my hands to keep busy while I watch. And if I’m on my own? “Why not leave the TV for someone who actually wants to watch?”

You can’t win. If I knit during shared screen time, I get the side-eye for not “being present,” and if I knit during solo screen time, well, clearly, the TV deserves better. So now, knitting, too, must face a tribunal for being too distracting to count as “real” free time.

So What Are Women Supposed to Do?

For my husband, I suspect an ideal “hobby” looks something like zen garden raking – meditative, quiet, and highly non-interruptive. But is that what we’re supposed to do when we’re finally off the clock? If I want to unwind by switching my brain to autopilot, does that make me a lesser mortal? Do men have a secret manual on what qualifies as a “respectable” female hobby, one that’s intellectually redeeming, socially validated, and simultaneously fulfilling?

Ladies, What Do You Do?

I have a genuine question for my fellow overworked and underappreciated free-timers: What do you do with the precious, elusive free time you manage to carve out? Because I’m genuinely stumped. I can’t sit and stare blankly at a screen like an ameba; I have to do something with my hands, my brain, something to hold on to a semblance of productivity or enjoyment. But if I dare to multitask, suddenly, my “leisure” becomes a spectacle to question and evaluate.

Dear Men, Let Us Relax

I have a dream that one day women will be able to “unwind” in peace. To the men of the world, here’s a suggestion: Let us have our bizarre, not-fully-understood hobbies without feeling the need to pass judgment. We know you don’t understand our “me-time rituals,” but that’s okay. We’re not asking you to join the fantasy quest, hold the knitting needles, or remember the Canasta rules. Just let us enjoy our thing.

And if it looks like we’re living in an alternate reality, well, maybe that’s because we’ve spent 15 hours today navigating this one.

My research: ‘Professional Snack Taster’ and ‘Netflix Binge Strategist’ totally count as skills – here’s how to upgrade your hobbies to resume-worthy talents!

Mom brain, wife life, and just a dash of chaos – dive into more of my everyday adventures if you dare!

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