03 Jan Zen in the Madness: Humor and Calm in New Year’s Resolutions

Ah, New Year’s resolutions.

That magical time when people declare to the world (or at least their Instagram stories) that this is their year. Cue declarations of “mindful living,” promises to quit all their favorite foods, and ambitious plans to hit the gym four times a week—despite the fact they haven’t exercised since their high school P.E. class.

I don’t do that. Why? Because I like to keep my resolutions grounded in reality, not a Hallmark movie montage. This year, I treated myself to a standing desk and a cheap walking pad. Nothing fancy, nothing life-changing. But guess what? The desk will definitely get used (mostly for online shopping, but that counts), and every extra step I take is a step forward. No pressure, no grand proclamations. Just small, manageable tweaks to my life that feel doable—and don’t make me want to eat an entire cheesecake out of rebellion.

Contrast that with the hordes who descend upon gyms every January, post-Thanksgiving turkey guilt still clinging to their stretchy pants. Look, I’m all for people improving their lives. Really, I am. But these temporary gym-goers drive me nuts. You know the ones: the people whose last encounter with cardio was a brisk walk to the fridge during a commercial break… in 2004.

They roll in, eyes full of hope, water bottles that look like designer thermoses, and a fresh pair of sneakers that still have their price tags on. Suddenly, my carefully planned gym routine becomes a casualty of their newfound enthusiasm.

Class instructors? Oh, they love these folks. So much so that they dumb down the classes to “accommodate everyone.” Translation: half the class now involves stretches I mastered when I was seven, and the other half feels like a nap disguised as a workout. Meanwhile, my consistency and rhythm—built on months of actual effort—are out the window.

Now, before you come for me in the comments: I don’t begrudge anyone trying to better themselves. What I do begrudge are the flaky “resolutioners” who vanish by February, leaving me to wonder why I spent two months pretending to find “beginner-level” cardio a challenge. If you’re going to show up, commit. The gym loves consistent new people—we really do. Just don’t be the person who ruins the flow for everyone else before ghosting faster than a bad first date.

Take a step back for a moment: why do resolutions fail? Is it the pressure to perform? Unrealistic expectations? A sudden realization that kale smoothies taste like punishment? Probably all of the above. We set ourselves up for failure when we chase perfection instead of progress. The gym “resolutioners” are just one example, but the principle applies everywhere. Big changes are hard to sustain, and when we falter, it’s easy to give up entirely.

This year, maybe skip the over-the-top resolutions. Start small. Aim for something realistic, like a 10-minute walk every day, or learning how to cook one new dish a month. You’d be surprised how much easier life gets when you lower the stakes. Progress, not perfection. That’s the mantra we should all be embracing.

Let’s talk about the psychology of small wins for a second. When you set achievable goals, you create opportunities to succeed repeatedly. Each success builds momentum and reinforces positive habits. It’s like a snowball rolling downhill, gathering size and speed as it goes. Compare that to trying to sprint up a mountain: it’s exhausting, unsustainable, and leaves you gasping for air before you’ve made any real progress.

For me, the standing desk and walking pad are my snowball. They’re practical, achievable, and don’t require me to overhaul my entire life. They fit into my routine without feeling like a chore, which means I’m more likely to stick with them. And that’s the real secret to lasting change—finding what works for you, not what sounds impressive on social media.

Meanwhile, the gym regulars like me have to weather the annual storm of overzealous newcomers. It’s a delicate balance: welcoming people who genuinely want to better themselves while also navigating the chaos they bring. By February, though, most of them will be gone. The ellipticals will be available again, the locker rooms will be less crowded, and the classes will return to their usual intensity. It’s like nature reclaiming itself after a brief disruption.

To the gym newbies reading this: don’t be that person. Don’t let February mark the end of your journey. Consistency is key, and it’s okay to start slow. Stick with it, find a routine that works for you, and keep showing up—even when it’s hard. You’ll find your rhythm, and the regulars will welcome you with open arms (or at least a nod of approval).

As for me, I’ll be at my standing desk, crushing my step count one walking-pad stroll at a time. My resolutions might not be flashy, but they’re sustainable—and that’s what really matters. When February rolls around, I’ll reclaim my gym from the “New Year, New Me” crowd and get back to my usual routine. Until then, I’ll keep focusing on progress over perfection. After all, that’s the best resolution anyone can make.

Do you need New Year’s resolution ideas? Here

Want to see more of my crazy life? click here